Thursday, September 15, 2011

An Unintended Vacation

I've been away from my blog for a bit and I apologize for my absence!  There has been quite a bit of turmoil in my life and I've been attempting to get a handle on it.

It's funny...if you talk to most of my friends...they'll tell you that I'm the one they know they can always call.  But when it comes to my own pain, I tend to withdraw, shut down, turn in on myself.  Hell, it's hard to even write this.  But the world keeps spinning and I don't want my own inaction to allow me to be thrown off!!

It is so much easier to care for a friend.  I make a much better listener than I do a talker.  Caregiving is something that feels natural to me and I treasure that my friends know they can count on me for a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.

So why can I not extend that dispensation to myself?  I don't know.  Part of it may be that I hate to bother people.  Part may be based on fear that no one will be there.  But I've learned that neither are true.  In fact, some friends were hurt that I had shut down.  Some got creative and found friends who live close to me and sent them to the house to check on me.  Others reached out and let me know that I am loved.  Beautiful flowers were delivered just to let me know I was thought of.

So with friends like these, I feel supported.  I can make it through what I need to with their love and help.  So I'm back...you just can't keep a good woman down!!

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