What If?

Sunday, I attended the Ulta Cut-A-Thon.  Ulta offered a free shampoo, cut, and style in exchange for a donation for breast cancer research.  The line was incredible and we all had plenty of time to wander around the store while we were waiting our turn.

While waiting, I had struck up a conversation with a woman wearing her Komen survivor shirt.  She is nearing her 5-year mark and had an incredible attitude!  But it was her back story that grabbed my attention.

She had a lumpectomy about 9 years ago.  The tissue they removed was not yet cancer but the cells were in pre-cancerous formation.  Four years later, she was diagnosed with full blown breast cancer.  Thankfully, it was caught in time and she is enjoying her life, her children, and her friends.

Why did that story grab my heart?  Four years ago, I had a lumpectomy.  The tissue they removed was not yet cancer, but the cells were in pre-cancerous formation.  As I listened to her story, I experienced an all-encompassing moment of absolute terror.  As I stated in a previous post, I'm currently without insurance and my mammo is out of the question this year.  So while I celebrated her victory with her, my mind was racing with what if's.

But I can't live in the land of what if.  I have to live in the life I have and what happens, will happen.  But I wonder how many other women are living in that land.  How many live in fear of what if, knowing they have no options.  Hopefully, the research will pay off...and what if will be gone forever.