Trust

Such a little word, but such far-reaching effects.  When you go through a divorce, the first thing destroyed is trust.  Everything that you had been told, everything on which you built your hopes and dreams, everything you knew to be true is all gone.

How do you get it back?  It's what I'm struggling with on a daily basis.  Do I completely open my heart again?  There's no guarantee it won't get shattered all over again.  Do I believe what I'm told and take it at face value?  What if I've been lied to again?  Will I survive another heartbreak?

These are questions that I can't answer.  I don't even know where to start.  But in order to live my life, I have to go on faith.  That's the first rung in the trust ladder and I can take that first step.  I have to take it.  If not, I would be curled up in a ball ready to die.  It's only the first rung but I'm working on the rest of the ladder.

It's going to be a hard journey.  My first instinct is to protect myself.  But the walls that I build to protect my heart are also the same walls that would keep love and life out.  It's time that I at least built a door in those walls.  I need to keep my doubts in the dungeon and have faith that I will be okay.

My journey continues...

Love,
Jerri