Yesterday was a first for me. But it was a first I dreaded and, naively, never wanted. Yesterday was my first Mother's Day without my mom.
I did not anticipate how hard this would hit me. Thinking about Mother's Day, the predominant thought running through my mind was that I didn't have a mom. While this is a common status for women of my age group, this was my first Mother's Day without her.
Admittedly, I probably did not handle the day in the best way possible. I withdrew and put up an emotional wall to protect myself. A number of my friends have already lost their mothers, but I was not inclined to listen to how they handled it. It was just as difficult to look at social media and see the plethora of posts between daughters and mothers. I went silent there, also.
My saving grace was my youngest son. He went above and beyond trying to give me the best Mother's Day possible, but he still realized that I was struggling and took that condition into account. It was a true example of the wheel of life continuing to turn, whether we want to get off the ride or not.
I am sure that each year will ease this feeling. Until then, the thought that I no longer have a mom is a pain that I must face, learn to embrace, and carry with love.